letting go.....

i think it is so difficult at times to let go of things, we all get fanciful ideas and follow and act on them, and sometimes we just need to let go of these thoughts, and yet it is a lot easier said than done........ i seriously need to let go of one thing in particular right now, one particular idea, it is just not ever going to be what i think and wish it would be, its impossible to be that, as such, i just need to let it go, i will admit, this will be a difficult prospect as it has invaded and taken over my brain for a few months now, but thats alright, as i mentioned in my earlier post today, i am kind of a selfish and personal quest to find some inner strength, and not just find it, but act on it, cutting out some of the things i do that are bad for my health, both mental and physical, and focus on things that will simply improve on it, as i said this will take time but thats ok, i am in a good mood tonight, sure i have a couple nagging issues on the ol brain tonight, but i feel good about it all, it will all be a good thing for me, and its a beautiful night here in the concrete jungle, the temperature has finally kicked back, i have a few endorphins still floating around, im listening to radiohead outside while on my trusty laptop, its a good night.......... intorspection is always a strong suit of mine so of course im sitting here writing about myself and what is in my head, but i dont mind, because well, as i have said before this blog is more about me than anything else, the things i share come from my deep inner well, unlike others, i have seen other blogs and they are all fancy and the writing is all happy happy, and well, i am not always just a happy happy person, i very much have a dark side and i think that more often than nought that all comes out in my blog, it is where i go when i want to empty my mind, and i empty my mind by writing, which brings me to another subject off but yet on topic, i need to find a way to harness this writing, well i dont need to but i would like to, i would like to find a way to harness its powers and use it for good (yes i am a nerd and this is very tongue in cheek comic bookiness, ha! the best at the cheesy pun, that is really why spiderman was so fucking rad before the movies destroyed him! i like to call him snarky, heh heh), but yeah and i tend to do a little bit better when not obsessing over stuff, and unfortunately i have been obsessing yet again all weekend on something that is a waste of brain time, it isnt going to be easy, i dont quite know how to put it, but it has been a painfully enjoyable obsession these past few months, but one that has eaten at me at the same time, healthy? i dont know, but i do know that i will also never cut it off...... you might sit there and wonder, huh? why the fuck not? well, i dunno, but we all meet people for reasons, and i dont yet know the reason for this one, it isnt and wasnt what i initially thought, but at the same time, there is a very powerful thing at work there too, and this is not one sided either, this is seen from both parties, its just that, one party is more into it than the other, and wants more than the other, and i have to respect that........ and will, while at the same time figuring out a way to let go......... it will happen though, the more i focus on me and stop worrying about it i will succeed at this........ it is a good thing, and yet somewhat sad, but overall, a good thing.............. so much going on in this head, so much so much