by greg odens beard!

i have waited with bated breath for my favorite time of year. ahhh. fall. leaves changing colors, the crisp autumn air (even the last two days when we were pushin seventy, there was still a crispness), halloween, but most of all it signifies one thing....... basketball is BACK! and with a vengeance this year, once the mired and laughed upon franchise the portland trail blazers are now everybody's darlings for this nba season..... all those bandwagoneers who four years ago said they wouldnt root for this team ever again are back in droves, ahhhh what the smell of a few wins does for those diehards! (yes i am bitter, that time in my life taught me, once a fan, always a fan, no matter how dire the situation of your team looks, they are YOUR team and you stick by them through thick and thin, so i look down with a bit of disdain at those folks who hopped off the bandwagon just to hop right back on........ they are not true fans, but i digress......)

needless to say i am fucking pumped this year, the blazers have finally composed a really deep, albeit young, team, with so much talent and potential, that if things go their way, could honestly contend for a championship, i think that chance is slim, but if you have ever read anything about the magical championship season of 1977, then you would know that these things can happen..... that team wasnt supposed to win either, but they made a magical run that captivated the city and brought home the Larry O'Brien trophy to portland.........

but we do have one of the deepest teams in the league, both our starting five and backup five have amazing abilities amid two different identities, at every position we have one or two solid backups, this is also a good thing if injuries hamper this team, we will have someone capable of stepping right in and taking their place if need be....... hell we have a 19 year old kid from france starting at the 3 (or small forward for those that dont speak basketball-ese) and im sure he will do fine, in fact i think it will be a great experience for him that will only induce quicker growth so that he becomes part of the future puzzle.......

excitement, this will be a good year, and i just love basketball in general, so it is a good time...... halloween, psshaw! all you artistic buffs can make your silly costumes and have fun with it, im more excited about Trail Blazer basketball right now!

this is kinda cool

little bit of oregon love here

time for words

have had an interesting couple of weeks, in fact i use that phrase a lot it seems, too much. but i feel as though i have been growing up over the past few months. more so than i have in the past. i feel as though i am finally coming into my own. sure some things are the same, i still have some similar frustrations, still have to be patient as things are coming my way, but not fast enough for my usual liking, but that is ok. after a year in which i totally lost myself, i have realized lately that it has taught me many things. friends that i have neglected in the past, things that i like that also took a back seat in my life. all because i was willing to give it all up for another person. and then that person stabbed me in the back, sent me to the depths of pain both emotionally and financially. but i have bounced back, i have learned from it all. i was at the edge of the cliff, was pushed off, grabbed the one little tree root i could clasp on the way down and fought my way back to the top. i would not say i have emerged unscathed by any stretch of the imagination, but my scars have healed over, i have taken the proper time and effort to right the ship, and while far from smooth sailing, my course is set.

i guess what i am alluding to here is that i have found myself, have found the redeeming qualities in myself, have vowed to never give up myself ever again. if i am alone for the rest of my life so be it. if i do find someone however, they must learn to like me for me, and not expect me to change, they must fit into my life, as i must fit into theirs, but i will not give up those things or ideals which sit near and dear to my heart. twice have i shunned good friends for women, who is to say they will allow that to happen again, i cannot and i will not ever put them in a position to even ponder that decision. i have discovered that i am a strong person, have developed a sense of maturity. am i perfect, far from it, i still have my faults, i still have things to work on. but i have learned a lot about myself, i have learned that the world does not stop even if you wish it would long enough to catch your breath. i have a good time with my friends, they mean the world to me, they want to see me succeed as much as i want to. in the past i have made poor decisions to put me where i am but through it all i have learned so much about these poor decisions, learned enough to make sure i never do it again. learned solidarity, how to laugh in the face of adversity. i am growing up, yet still a kid, i am in a good space. i guess this is what turning thirty is all about, growing up. some choose to do it earlier, i have taken my sweet ass time, but i would not have it any other way.

ron toms

idle hands see the drinks, as the men on the wall look over their domain, candlelit whiskey never tasted so good

i dont even know

i guess i have had a rough couple of weeks mentally. i think i feel as though i am coming out of that now. dont really know why. i guess one thing has become clear though. i have some really good friends. my friends all represent something different in my life. i look at none of them as the same, even though sometimes we all hang out together. but they all add something different. when i need them to help me through rough times i know which ones to go to for what. when they need help they all see me and respect me for different reasons. they value my opinions, my input. in different ways i think, but it doesnt mean anything less. i think thats what friends are for, to lean on your shoulder when they need it, but also to provide a shoulder to lean on when you do to. i had a friend and i wrote to him about some frustrations i was having in my life, and he totally picked me up by putting a certain perspective on things, then just a few days later, i feel as though i returned the favor. i have had other friends who have just been having a rough go of things lately, and i have tried to tell them what i think they should hear, whether or not that is what they want to hear, i still feel as though i have helped, i hope i have anyways. i have friends in my life for different reasons, but they are all great reasons, and the sum of their parts keeps me going and moving forward. i had a friend recently tell me how proud he was of me for the way i have handled some trying times, he noted that he would have just lost his cool and gone apeshit, and that he respected me for keeping my cool and dealing with the situation the way i had. it was amazing for me to have a friend tell me he was proud of me. that meant a lot, maybe even more than he knows. but that is life, shit happens, good or bad, and there is nothing one can do to change that in any way shape or form, life moves on, we make decisions, good or bad, that affect our lives, and no matter what the affect, the world does not stop moving, and neither do we, you have to get through it. this is what we call learning how to be strong. no matter what happens, pick yourself up by the bootstraps and keep going, because nothing is going to change the past, the past is beyond us, it never changes, it is set in stone, the future is not. the past makes us who we are so that we can pursue the future the way we see it best, learn from the past, do not forget it or more especially the lessons it teaches us, but do not dwell on it. be well friends, if you ever need someone, i am here for you, and know if i ever need you i will come calling.

Measure 60

for those of you voters out there, i dont know where you get your information regarding measures in the upcoming elections, but today i was browsing the portland mercury and ran across measure 60. it was for a merit based pay scale for teachers, and the mercury staff said that this would reward the best and brightest teachers or some such shit. well, i wondered to myself if this was really the case. so i asked a real life teacher (for those of you who dont know, that would be my sister, and for all of our differences, i know her work ethic, and i know her abilities and her passion for teaching, let me tell you she gives this job her all, she works late hours, puts her own money into buying supplies, books for her kids to read (yes a parentheses to a parentheses, you should see her classrooms fucking library, every kind of effing book a kid could hope for), but most of all she challenges herself by working at a school with a relatively poor socio-economic area, my sister is THE SHIT when it comes to her job), and she is adamantly opposed to this measure for a number of reasons, but one of the biggest is she states that you never know how well prepared her children are going to be year in and year out, they may or may not have supportive families, they may have a lot of issues at home which does not help them to succeed in the classroom, and at poorer schools there are less teachers and so classroom sizes are larger, not to mention many times they will have disabled children thrown into these classes, kids with aspergers or autism who are going to, by their very prescence, require more time and energy from the teacher, not to mention kids who do not speak english at home very much and are still struggling to learn the language, especially when it comes to reading, essentially this takes time away from the individual time my sister has to spend on the children in her class, whereas schools in better areas, say alameda, where more students have supportive parents, where the parents essentially have the ability to "buy more teachers" (my sis's words, i think they do this through fundraisers and whatnot), and thereby have more teachers and smaller class sizes, and where the majority of the students come from english speaking homes, and had parents who had the money to send their children to pre-school to give them familiarity with things we take for granted like the alphabet, numbers, and other early learning tools that many kids in poorer socio-economic areas do not receive, essentially leaving it so that the teachers at these schools will have a much easier time getting the kids in their classes to get better scores on standardized tests (which is what merit based pay will be based upon). This is not a correct way to measure a teachers capability, nor their desire, abilities, value, or skills. My sister teaches at the school she does because she enjoys the challenge of it, im sure she could go to another school, hell she lives right down the street from alameda (and about 20-30 minutes away from her own school, maybe more) but she doesnt want to, she knows that kids at her school are going to need teachers like her in order to help them do better than they would be able to if they didnt have teachers like her, if they just had teachers who were there because they want to collect a paycheck.

basically if you read this blog and are voting in the upcoming election, please, please, please, heed my words and fucking vote NO on Measure 60, no one affiliated with the world of teaching in oregon supports this bill (ie the teachers union), so dont fuck over amazing teachers like my sister, who are amazing at what they do, enjoy the challenge of teaching students who really need their help, and who shouldnt get paid based off of whatever some bullshit test says they should, not to mention the bill is sponsored by bill sizemore, who got sued by the teacher association and lost money to them which is why he wrote this piece of crap in the first place.... asshole

oh and vote for obama

i have found....

that lately i have been getting a weird feeling in my stomach, i do not know what it comes from, it is not hunger, it is not a medical problem, it is something more, i feel nervous and weird a lot, i think a lot of this comes from my head, for those that dont know me as well as you might think, my head is constantly flooded with thoughts, thoughts that totally pollute me as a person, not in a bad way but there is just always so much bouncing around in my head and i rarely share these things, i think one reason is because i highly doubt anyone would truly understand, but also because oftentimes i have no one to share these thoughts with, but i dont know that i would want to, in fact, i dont even know if i can fully understand how to vocalize these thoughts of mine, this is one way, i am very good at the run on sentences (probly doesnt help that im a minimalist when it comes to punctuation, though i do like the 'theses), but lately i have just had a weird feeling in my stomach to say the least, and i dont like it at all, i think it is because i am still uncomfortable with a lot of things, im not sure how to pinpoint exactly what, and that is the hard part about it, but the things i think are oftentimes not the things i say, but i dont necessarily think that i want to always express these things...... anyways yeah, just been weird, but i have been going through a lot of changes lately and think i am still going through a very unstable time in my life, it is slowly but surely getting to be more solid, but for now, still a little shaky on my feet....... i will just keep on keeping on i guess, more ramblings of a madman

ezekiel

apparently i have a gift..... i can take on amazing personas on a whim in order to scare away little annoying 'napoleon' men for friends of mine, when my friend happens to be female and the guy is annoying her, because well, hes an asshole

so i guess there is more 'splainin to do here, my friend went out with a guy a couple of times, he is really short, he freaked out when she canceled plans with him, ok, so tell him to fuck off is what i think, as a guy, yeah, hes got issues, hes little, hes an asshole, leave him alone, end of fucking story, no, this proceeds to be an all night topic of conversation (granted i was the lone wolf in a pack of three she-wolves, but still), the thing that struck me as funny is that she felt bad, it was weird to me, to me from what i had heard basically showed that duder was psycho, and she wasnt interested anyway, great tell him to fuck off, well, i guess that is easier for a man to do than a woman, so they send some text messages back and forth, she trying to be nice, him pushing the issue (total guy thing to do, but more so for a napoleon complex guy to do, hey, they are short, they need to make up for their lack of height by being pushy, i mean napoleon did it by trying to take over the world, hence, the phrase 'napoleon complex') needless to say he called, she had me answer and i took over a whole new persona, i answered as though i was a serious gangsta and said my name was ezekiel, the guy was flummoxed for a bit, then asked for my friend, so i told him that i didnt have any bitches by (insert friends name here), and basically he didnt know what to do, of course i didnt give my best performance due to the fact that i had three females surrounding me attempting to stifle their giggles of delight, causing me to break a bit and have my voice waver a bit.... but essentially i played it off pretty well, and it was awesome! dunno why im blogging about it, but shit, it was a lot of fun for sure....... sometimes its the little things that make life worthwhile, so ezekiel if yer out there, sorry i had to take over the role of pimp and masquerade as a straight up g, but i did what i had to do, and it was fun, and all in all i helped out a friend, so thanks for the moniker........

funny haha

this stuff is just fucking funny......

check the look on dudes face right after he gets "touched".......



wow.... this was too funny not to share.... here are a few more



nice kick!

and one more for good measure......

hunting

no not in the traditional sense, thats just silly and dumb (although with the way of the economy nowadays......) i mean for things you shouldnt have to hunt for.

right now i am in the process of attempting to make a lasting female friend, the kind with benefits, as well as trying to find a place to live in, both, i am finding, are extremely difficult.....

house hunting, or rather room hunting sucks, so many fucking ads say hey this place is awesome, we are awesome, but then they start throwing stipulations in there, like no smokers (i mean come on i wont do it inside thats gross, and if kept outside, how does it really affect you or the house you live in?) or they want you to be some amazingly bohemian artist who creates and probably moved here from fucking texas or something, someone who is in the know and dresses fucked up just to garner attention and slaps a keep portland weird bumper sticker on their car, its just so fucking dumb. then you have to go and meet these random people and hope to wow them enough and make them feel comfortable enough with you while meeting them in an extremely awkward and nerve racking situation to get them to let you move in knowing they are gonna just meet some smooth talking texan who will seem so fucking cool but probably wont do their fucking dishes or pay bills on time or some shit. i dunno, the whole thing is just frustrating, but yes i will keep on keepin on, i know eventually i will find the perfect place and things will be fine, and they will be happy with me and me with them, at least this is what i keep telling myself.......

as for women, man, it is very similar to house hunting, at least the way i go about it, although i have run into this phenomenon lately which really fucking confuses me, i have in person gotten two girls phone numbers after seemingly good conversations with them, good enough that they gave me their phone numbers, and the numbers werent fake, they gave me their fucking number, so i call them, dont hear anything back, i mean i dunno it seems i hear all the time that guys in portland have no balls and never ask for numbers, well HELLO ladies, maybe its because when they do ask for your number and call you, you never fucking respond, i mean we already had our balls suck up into our abdomen in order for us to ask for your number in the first place without getting so nervous that your voice doesnt get shaky making you seem less confident, AND we made first contact with you AFTER that, the least you could do is call back and at least give a lame excuse and say not interested, i mean at least that is much better than A) not responding (hint to the ladies: if you arent going to respond, dont give your number out in the first place, saying no is a perfectly acceptable response, you dont have to feel bad about it, its part of being a guy and asking for a number, we are used to rejection.....) and B) responding and saying yeah i wanna hang out ill call you back and keeping that going and then falling off the fucking planet...... that is the lamest shit ever, aside from that the whole semi-blind personal ads date thing is kind of fun, but very hit or miss, i still dont know if im very keen on that, but considering my lack of luck with "real life encounters" at least the online women are willing to set up a date.......

fuck

but really other than that life is good, sorry to bitch and moan, just needed to let these things be known :)

the night that lingers on

dont you just love hangovers? i dont even get the real hangovers anymore, its not like, oh, im sick, its more like the groggy-dont-quite-feel-right next day thing, basically one word sums it up, blah.....

by the way some advice to one of my followers, dude, i know its like a seventeen hour time difference and all, but saturday night homie? probably not a good time to call, but im just jibbin ya a bit, really it was good just to hear from ya my main man, even though my phone didnt actually ring (probably didnt have service when you called..... lame) but yeah always good to get a call from halfway across the world.....

aside from that i have had a very mellow week, which considering how the last few months of my life has gone, this is a very good thing, not much to say cuz well like i said kinda brain dead right now, all i did today was got some good coffee, did some crossword puzzle and peed like 50 times (ah the middle of the night water slam as to avoid the hangover trick.....) so like i said excitement abound, anyways i will be back at some later time when i have something infinitely more interesting to say......

ps i guess my blog has been deemed "non-spam" as i have been able to post new blogs and the like, i really think they just pulled my name out of a hat, i mean my blog is like the furthest thing from spam i can think of, whether its cat-food tasting meat in a can, or a bunch of internet crap....... posted lovingly by your spammarific blogging wonder

couple of things.....

so apparently the powers that be at blogger think that i am a "spam" blog or something, kinda funny considering this is just a rant and rave for myself to my friends or anyone who wants to read what i have to say, which isnt much, heh heh, anyways for what its worth, i am under review right now i guess, they have one more day to let me know their decision, it would be pretty dumb if they say its spam, but they have their rules i guess, soooooo........

in the meantime a couple of good things, the fucking blazers number one, jesus they looked good in their first preseason game, i mean really really good, im so damn excited, i think this team is just gonna be nasty once they are firing on all cylinders....... if you have the interest, watch the highlights on espn.com, just go to nba, scoreboard, then go to october 7th and you will see what i mean, if you have ANY interest just watch it, its awesome.......

and lastly, i will be moving stations at work starting saturday, im fucking excited, it will be a good thing, and i will spend less on gas each month, which, with all the financial bullshit that has happened to me over the past few months (thanks a lot bitch) will be a huge relief, anyways hope everyone is well.........

words of wisdom

these are all things i have learned in the last year:

NEVER EVER EVER EVER get joint accounts with a sig other, i will never even get one with the woman i marry, not going to happen, you can always get fucked in the end.......

if a woman tells you she loves you on the third date, be nice, but run, hard, fast, and as far away as possible....... move quickly, she will latch on, she will wind up fucking you, and not in the good way......

NEVER EVER EVER let a significant other know ANY of your online passwords, EVER..... dont listen to the whole, well i dont care if you have mine argument.... thats your own personal shit, and they should trust you enough to not have to have that info......

if a woman calls you crazy, it is them who is crazy

always know thyself, and never let anyone change who you are, what you do, what you like, who you hang out with, etc. i have had the distinct benefit of having absolutely amazing friends, who even though i disappear to them when i get a girlfriend have always forgiven me for that (jbizzles probably seen the worst of that for some reason..... him and jd...... and these are two of my best friends, mark my words gentlemen, this will NEVER happen again) your friends will always be there, your girlfriends (or even wives) not necessarily........ bros before hos, although i really think this just applies to friends, because i have female friends that i definitely want to keep before a girl, if a girl you are going out with cant handle you being friends with another girl, well, your girl has issues, this is once again, another reason to run, fast, and go hang out with your friends........

families are fucked up, its just how it is, they are weird and twisted in their own way, some more than others, but every family has some skeletons in the closet.......

when a girl leaves you, it is over, period. it is done. do not wait for it to work itself out. if they are unwilling to try to work with you and get through the hard times, they are done and they will leave, and you will be the one who goes crazy if you try to hold on...... it doesnt work (and for females reading this, the same applies to you, the other person is ready to move on, they are not looking back, no matter what they say)

and last but not least, just be you, if someone cant appreciate that, well, fuck them, its not your fault, never let anyone tell you how you are, just BE who you are, if they dont like that, they shouldnt be in your life.......

alright sorry guys just doing a little mental "spring" cleaning if you will......... reflecting on the past 6 months of mental hell i went through, all things considered, i think things worked out ok.......

and on a lighter note, blazer season officially starts back up tomorrow with their first preseason team, oden is back in the mix, we have a deep team this year, i cant fucking wait, jimmy i hope you get that cable on time, and i hope i will be at your place watching the game..... just gonna throw that out there.........

Just getting started......

well well well, in lieu of certain events in my life, i have realized that i must make my online self more wary and more private..... as such i decided to get a blog page, mainly because i want my myspace account to be only for people i consider true friends, not the random acquaintances that often times fill up our friends list, but at the same time dont want random people to be able to view my blog, and let me tell you the blog privacy settings on myspace are fuckin shite

yeah so anyways, just wanted a place to write and those that want to read can...... now for some of my friends, blogging reveals amazing adventures, new things, and new experiences that capture our rapture (like that?) because they really are so foreign, that and we miss our friend and want to know about his crazy adventures........ my life is not so crazy (or actually, maybe it is just in a different way.......) so i do not promise daring adventures in the woods or anything (heh heh) but i am just going to lay down my thoughts and opinions

like the last week was a rollercoaster of hatred (palin), elation (getting my fucking car back from that bitch), and a slight bit of depression (ahhh the start of the rainy season). but all in all i have a good outlook on life and the future in general as i am starting to see the pieces fall into place..... its a nice place to be right now, though i am impatient for better times that are surely coming..... i guess that is one of my main goals right now is to practice patience, or at least try a lot more than i have, it requires my conscience to take on a more active role in my brain and not let my desires get the better of this...... trust me, i am a lot more neurotic than i let on to be, or maybe not, i can never perceive how i present myself to others in the first place........... but needless to say the wheels are moving and i am excited to see where they take me, right now, im just trying to lay low, go to work, do my thing and spend as little money as possible (which can be very hard).........

yeah thats all for the first post, pretty fucking introspective, then again, i am high right now........