the day after.......

i have made an amazing discovery....... the day after i drink i get depressed!!!!! holy crap, i know! but seriously this is one reason i have cut booze out by a country mile, it just really depresses me, i mean some of this im sure can be attributed to my general demeanor, but i have really felt quite melancholy today, very much in my head, a lot of alone time (which is a good thing, i wouldnt want to subject anyone to myself when i feel this way), but my thoughts tend to run rampant on days like this, thankfully i have come to realize this, recognize this, and i know that it will go away, i know that on a day like today i have to let my thoughts do what they are going to do, but also largely ignore them, otherwise i will say things to people that i really do not want to say, or do things i really dont want to do, when i get this way i do not want to be around others, they wont cheer me up, i have tried that before but have found that it doesnt work, it does not stop my brain from being on overdrive and instead i tend to sit there totally out of conversation and not really paying attention to anything going on around me, sure i am writing this now, but in no way does this encompass what i have really thought about today, as i said i will not subject anyone to those thoughts, they are mine and mine alone, as a song i know says, if anyone knew everything you thought theyd just wish youd shut up, and it is so true, but im working on finding more proper outlets for my thoughts and what have you getting them out there in a way that works for me, i know all of this will pass, and im glad for that, i know being like this does not take away from who i am as a person, and yet maybe if i lived a more full life it wouldnt be as bad, but i am, as we all know, a lonely soul, and i enjoy that, i am who i am, i walk alone and im okay with this, eventually, someday, when i am ready perhaps i will travel my paths with someone who can enjoy being with me, times like these definitely make my mood brighter, but it has to be right to, i dont want to force it, and i want to be at a point in my life when i know what i want and who i am, a time when i am not so easily influenced by others because i have figured out who i am, and what i truly desire....... this has always been my weakness, so ready to fall into someone else that i do not take the time to catch myself............ i am working on becoming a stronger person, of taking care of myself, of not letting things get to me so easily, the most trying of times are days like today, when i am depressed, i learn to deal with it, and swallow the pain i feel, and realize that it is only temporary, it will pass, much as the day itself has, i just got in from a walk in the rain, just me, my ipod, and my thoughts, when it started raining i put my hood down and just let it wash over me, i love times like these, as i said someday it will be nice to share those moments with someone who is keen to that, someone who is not afraid to go for a walk in the rain, to traverse the paths with me, and see what i see but also share what they see......... yes i am yearning for something, but i am also patient, it will come when the time is right, and that time is not right now.............. everything will be alright....................