my friends

i have truly amazing and awesome friends, even though my family is here in portland, my friends are my real family, they know me better than my family, and i love them all very dearly for who they are and the part they play in my life........... when i was younger, my dad tried to instill in me that i shouldnt trust anyone, people always let cha down and the only people you can trust is your family, i fought that notion, in my way that is how i rebelled against him (with my mom it was/is obviously cleaning), and even though i was let down many a night with broken plans, exclusion, just plain forgotten about, we have all experienced this, and i never let up or gave up, i have been in fights with my friends, in one case thats how i met one of my friends, another where we didn't communicate for about a year or more, and then on a premonition i called him to reach out because the grudge we were holding onto just seemed so silly to me, and it happened the day after a life altering event had occurred for him, and another friend i stopped communicating with for some reason, mostly cuz of my tag-along at the time, and it became this weird thing, but we put that behind us, i guess what im saying is, as with any relationship, friendships sometimes take a little work and maintenance, a very low level of it true, but they can be easily repaired and sometimes strengthened by this, and in some sick sense it is all a shared experience.

but my friends listen to me, and choose to share in my life because they are interested in me, they will help me if i need it and they are able, they are there in good times and bad, they spur you on to an unthinkable task with their bold perspective, and i in turn try and do the same for them, i am brutally honest, and i poke fun at peoples quirks, but in a way that is my own weird way of saying i love who you are and i think those quirks are rad, so be you! i am starting to really appreciate this all and see it for what it is........ my friends are my family, and i trust them more than my own family, more than the supposed 'only people i can trust', my family has been good, dont get me wrong, but they dont know who i am as well as all of you, my friends..........

i love you all, i mean that, and no im not drunk, just coming into my own is all.........