just another day.....

this is how all holidays have felt for me over the past year, there is a buzz in the ear, its a holiday its a holiday, but really what it all boils down to is they are just days, very much like every other, simply with more expectations attached to them. i think this, v day, brings up these feelings in me more than any other, not only is it a day in which some people seem very happy and excited, others hate it for any number of reasons, and the remaining few remain ambivalent, but even this ambivalence i think often hides pain, regret, remorse or loneliness from the past that is essentially covering up the truth, but i may be wrong and i digress......

i guess for me, this is my 31st v day, and only on one have i had a significant other, i was also broke on that one day, it was not memorable to say the least........ it is such a strange holiday to me, and one that i think causes more introspection than any other, looking back fondly or angrily at times past, as for me, it is just another day, no sweetie to spend it with, and there never really has been...... i have had a great ambivalence towards holidays myself the past year, and i think part of this is because i have stopped really caring about them, they mean almost nothing to me, yet enough that i think about the stuff i just wrote about, there is a lot more, but my fingers do not move as fast as my brain and my thoughts have become fractalized.......