nervousness

ive been so nervous lately, and i dont know why.... i have no reason for it, lord knows i dont have to look over my back for some crazy psycho anymore (i think), i mean my shit is finally coming together, i got a place lined up for december, i will be a permanent employee with the state on Nov 13th (and see no reason why i wouldnt be, and yes have asked if the current economic situation would affect that and was told no it wouldnt), which will mean some job security, i finally have my own economic situation under control and on track, and yet i have just had this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, i dont really get it, and i dont really know why, the only thing i could think is a girl, i just get so, i dunno, i get so unsure around women, dont know what they think, if they like me, and that fucks things up, because then those feelings wash away any chance at chemistry, but i had a second date recently and my stomach just hurt like the whole time, and i was very much in my head, i guess ultimately i was trying to much, and its not like i had to, but i think it had a negative effect on the evening...... then again im getting ahead of myself, its not like its never going to happen, but i just need to fucking relax, ive just been so high strung lately, especially because of that, ive just been mulling it over in my head, and my most successful relationships, well, i never did that, has anyone figured out a way to get their heads to shut the fuck up yet? if you have let me know........ its just frustrating i guess, because i know that i am a really freaking awesome guy, the main components are there, im funny, have a job, can support myself comfortably, im good looking, there is no reason i shouldnt have confidence in myself and be able to find an equally awesome woman, and then when i do, i get all freakin weird about it, i just dont know anymore, my brain just feels so twisted about it all at times and i just wish it would shut the fuck up, i think i need to meditate....... and get involved in more stuff...... thats the other thing, i have a handful of good friends, but i dont hang out with them as much as i would like, im really fucking lonely basically, and it sucks, i want to get out and do things and experience things, but its hard when you have no one to do that stuff with, it always seems like pulling teeth just trying to hang out with folks, or even getting them to return messages and stuff, i mean do i smell bad? am i just not fun to hang with? am i not interesting enough, or funny enough, or what? its just strange to me....... i guess when someone calls me or whatever, i try to call them back at least, even if i decline an offer to hang out, i at least return a call or a tm or whatever, and sometimes i just dont feel like that happens with me...... man im really fucking uptight right now, i need a release, like fo reals and shit...... alright, well, just venting, im sure everything will come together as it is meant to