i cant fucking believe.....

that this guy is our president, huh? did america finally wake the fuck up? this is his address to the Global Climate Summit, i dont believe america is part of it, because we are some of the worst polluters in the world, needless to say, im watching this shit and can barely believe my eyes and my ears.......

this was....

the most historical moment i have ever witnessed in my life, i cant even believe it, i cant even to begin what this must have been like for any black person in america, this is history friends....... now lets wash away 8 years of shitstainery

nervousness

ive been so nervous lately, and i dont know why.... i have no reason for it, lord knows i dont have to look over my back for some crazy psycho anymore (i think), i mean my shit is finally coming together, i got a place lined up for december, i will be a permanent employee with the state on Nov 13th (and see no reason why i wouldnt be, and yes have asked if the current economic situation would affect that and was told no it wouldnt), which will mean some job security, i finally have my own economic situation under control and on track, and yet i have just had this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, i dont really get it, and i dont really know why, the only thing i could think is a girl, i just get so, i dunno, i get so unsure around women, dont know what they think, if they like me, and that fucks things up, because then those feelings wash away any chance at chemistry, but i had a second date recently and my stomach just hurt like the whole time, and i was very much in my head, i guess ultimately i was trying to much, and its not like i had to, but i think it had a negative effect on the evening...... then again im getting ahead of myself, its not like its never going to happen, but i just need to fucking relax, ive just been so high strung lately, especially because of that, ive just been mulling it over in my head, and my most successful relationships, well, i never did that, has anyone figured out a way to get their heads to shut the fuck up yet? if you have let me know........ its just frustrating i guess, because i know that i am a really freaking awesome guy, the main components are there, im funny, have a job, can support myself comfortably, im good looking, there is no reason i shouldnt have confidence in myself and be able to find an equally awesome woman, and then when i do, i get all freakin weird about it, i just dont know anymore, my brain just feels so twisted about it all at times and i just wish it would shut the fuck up, i think i need to meditate....... and get involved in more stuff...... thats the other thing, i have a handful of good friends, but i dont hang out with them as much as i would like, im really fucking lonely basically, and it sucks, i want to get out and do things and experience things, but its hard when you have no one to do that stuff with, it always seems like pulling teeth just trying to hang out with folks, or even getting them to return messages and stuff, i mean do i smell bad? am i just not fun to hang with? am i not interesting enough, or funny enough, or what? its just strange to me....... i guess when someone calls me or whatever, i try to call them back at least, even if i decline an offer to hang out, i at least return a call or a tm or whatever, and sometimes i just dont feel like that happens with me...... man im really fucking uptight right now, i need a release, like fo reals and shit...... alright, well, just venting, im sure everything will come together as it is meant to

checking in

so its been awhile since i posted i realize, of course not much new has happened to me, or at least nothing that feels exciting to me, and as i write this i realize that i did get a place to live, which is cool, will be moving soon, and that will be nice, cant wait to get out of this dysfunctional house i call a home, and to be the fuck away from the rents, god damn, so nice, other than that the blazer season started out with a thud, but they rebounded last night so that was good, as for me and my 'crazy' halloween, well, um, i was in bed by ten, good thing i didnt have plans cuz i woulda been garbage for sure, halloween at the deq is, well, a pretty fucking busy day, all day long cars were coming in because of all the jackasses who think their tags expire on the last day of the month, um, nope, there is a date on your form, and that is when they expire, so anyone who reads this, just do me a favor, and when you get your renewal paperwork, open it up, read it over (this also seems to be an increasingly difficult concept for most folks), find out when your shit is up, and come in early, then you wont get all pissed at me if your car doesnt pass (its not my fault, its your fucking cars fault, dont blame the messenger) and ask me what you are supposed to do since your tags expire today (which they dont anyway, they expired like two weeks ago anyways) and get pissy when i tell you if you wanna be legal you have to go get a trip permit at the dmv, or when i inform you this is precisely the reason they send this info out to you TWO months in advance, so that you can deal with any problems should any come up......... ugh..... working with the general public can be fun

and did you know how many people in the world smell fucking horrible, its ridiculous, it makes me wonder if i smell as bad as 85% of the people that come into the deq, i mean, shit people, wash your clothes, take a shower, brush your fucking teeth, or at least get some gum, no no, please lean over the counter and crowd my personal space, and talk to me while showering me with your chronic halitosis, i really enjoy smelling you talk, smells like someone shit in your mouth when you werent looking........

so when you bring your car in, do it early, shower beforehand, wear clean clothes, and brush your teeth, these are instructions that are not on the renewal form, but they should be, and please if the light is green, pull forward, yes there is someone there, no you dont have to go 1/2 mph, yes i will wave you forward, please watch me, but dont drive into me, i like me and want to be around awhile, i will let you know when you are far enough, i wont let you just drive out, and i do stop you when i do for my own personal preference, you are entering MY environment, so dont think you know what is going on, likely you dont

and yes it is faster now, yes we dont do the same test you are probably used to, yes we used to take checks, and just because you didnt wait a long time doesnt mean I havent been busy, it may not have seemed 'busy' to you, but ive been testing car after fucking car after car since my last break, so its seemed fairly busy to me, yes the lines arent as long, doesnt mean ive been sitting there eating fucking bon-bons, and dont be an asshole either, i do the things i do because that is my job, and i do it well, i dont need advice from you about where the port is, what i have to do to get to it, if i have a question, i will ask, do you know how many obd ports i connect to during the week, do you realize i have seen it on just about every fucking car there is and can usually find it fairly quickly depending on make, model and year? oh and last but definitely not least, yes we do have a 21 dollar fee at the deq, im not a fucking volunteer, we are not funded by your tax dollars and are supported by the fee of passing cars, and dont tell me this shit isnt necessary, we make sure and have gotten rid of TONS of smog DAILY, YES, DAILY, i like clean air and so do most people i know, newer cars DO NOT ALWAYS PASS, it is not like they are god, things can go wrong with any vehicle, so dont belittle me and say my job isnt necessary, if you really think that fucking go back to la and take a deep breath, in fact take a lot of them every day so that hopefully you will die a lot quicker, that way you wont move into my state and fucking tell me my job is not necessary, im sorry im trying to carve out some semblance of a living, i am thankful and lucky to have a job, i dont come to your work and tell you how what you do day in and day out to support yourself and your family is totally worthless, which in a lot of cases, really probably is, and you probably fuck around on the internet all day shopping or some shit, I DONT, i test cars for emissions and try to keep my state clean, it is a very important and necessary thing, if you dont like it, go suck on a tailpipe........

whew, alright guess i did have a few things to get off of my chest, its amazing, the art of writing, especially free writing, you never know where its gonna take you, and then next thing you know there is a theme, you are floating freely through a topic and it just kinda comes out..... sorry for bitching, its just sometimes i feel like i am living in the movie clerks, no wonder bush won two elections, i mean, look at the people out there, i see em everyday..........