its been awhile..........

i dont even know if anyone even still follows these blogs in general, especially mine, but sometimes i get in a mood to write, and it is at these times that i find myself on here, spewing my thoughts, for all the world to see and yet no one to look at it, but that is okay, i feel the ability to be almost totally candid and honest because of that, it makes for a great open forum for myself, so it is nice............... i have found myself undergoing a fundamental paradigm shift recently though, it is interesting, my attitude has been undergoing a transformation before my very eyes, ive said it many times before but i really do feel as though i am coming out of a very dark part of my life, and into a much better time, sure there are still stresses and still struggles, that is life, an ongoing up and down of the unforeseen, but ultimately i am handling it better, i find myself crawling away from the depressed opression of my own brain, allowing myself to see the positive in life and in myself, allowing myself to laugh and be open, to be myself, this can sometimes get me into mild trouble simply because of my brash and open sense of humor, i feel like sometiimes i take it too far but ultimately i find the most obscene and offensive things in life as the most humorous at times, simply because you have to poke fun at the ridiculous, and oftentimes the seriousness of obscenity is the most ridiculous thing we run across in this world, incredulousness seems to need to be made fun of, if we cannot laugh at that which sorely needs to be laughed at then how can we be expected to truly combat the ridiculousness of life in general, anyways i digressed a wee bit there, but ultimately, life has been going well, i have seen this in many aspects, there has been a change in my own interactions with people, not only the retarded (but sometimes cool) customers at my work, as well as with people i have known almost my entire life, to new people i meet and interact with, i have an infectious personality when i am joking happy and jovial, people look up to me, or at least take value in my opinion and my thoughts more when i am not beating up myself and just enjoying life, they tend to want to be around me and talk to me more, the interactions are more positive, and i feel, overall, better, and it has been wonderful, hey i still get grumpy, but dont we all, but i get through it, and laugh again........... life is good, and getting better........................