hiatus

yes yes yes, its been awhile, i know, but im not so sure very many read this thing anyways, sooooo....... dont think its been that missed. really my life has been fairly quiet, i think part of this was my own doing as i went into a hermitage for a couple of weeks there, just needed to do a lot of thinking and get things straight in my head. after all, ive had a very strange year indeed....... i wont go into it because the only people reading these words probably already know all about everything that has gone down. needless to say i have come out the other side in a much better place. life has been moving along swimmingly, im just kind of biding my time at the moment and waiting for the next step. my finances are finally under control after the train wreck of my psychotic ex has been removed from the tracks and this has made things better. really ive just been trying to get my entire life under control, and the biggest piece of that is coming in two weeks, as it is official, i am moving out on the 27th, finally, freedom, i can remove myself from the hellhole of a situation of my parents house. sure i didnt pay rent, but this is the final piece of a stable existence for me. i transferred to the ne deq station during oct and within the past few weeks i finally feel comfortable there. i have stopped allowing the stupid customers to bugt me so much for a couple of reasons, number one, its a waste of time, people are idiots who come in there, they always will be, and nothing i say or do will ever change that, people are just dumb. it all makes sense when you drive around and see the things people do, they are like this everywhere all the time, and i can do nothing about it, so i just dont worry about it anymore, and im trying to get better with my customer service, at least when you talk and are nice to people and stuff, they tend to take bad news better, because you take the time to explain it all to them. it works out, and it just makes my day better and makes me feel better and puts me in a better mood. so take it all with a grain of salt and it will work out ok. along with this ive been working on something, eye contact. i have never been good with eye contact, i dont really know why, i cannot pinpoint a specific reason, i could say any number of things, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, shyness, feeling like the eyes are the windows to the soul and not sharing this with just anyone, but really its just something i have never been good at, its weird i know, but its me. so ive been working on this a lot more because well, im sick of feeling so introverted and isolated. which is also why ive been trying to branch out. recently a friend of mine invited me to a game night with some friends that she has been telling me i should meet for like ever, every time she mentions them she is like have you met so and so? and im always like, um, nope, and she is like are you sure? and im like yup, well i finally met them as they were hosting a board game night, and i have to say, coming from someone who normally feels exceedingly uncomfortable in situations where i meet a bunch of new people, i have never felt more comfortable around a group of new people, everyone there was just really cool, me and a dude on my team were just crackin jokes left and right, and the hosts themselves just made me feel very welcome and very much a part of the group. even when my friend left i stayed after and had a blast with everyone there (even though trivial pursuit was some major bullshit, our 'easy' questions were not fucking easy, what word beginning with the letter A also means toxophilite? huh? in sports and leisure? wtf????) needless to say it was a fun night, and in general my interactions with people have become much more comfortable and easy, and this is a good thing. this whole thing with my dad and my ex really had left me in a bad fucked up place, and only now do i feel as though i am really coming out of it......

anyways yeah im rambling (see title above) but things are good i will post again soon, hopefully with many amazing adventure stories that i can share........